Homosexuals for Hamas claim role in attack on Sinai Hotel

LEFT: Homosexuals for Hamas founder Loti-ibn-Bruce (in front of Rainbow Colored Pink Keffiyah Brigades flag) leads rally in support of Dahab bombing. The bombings at the Zionist resort town claimed the lives of 35 persons, all of them confirmed to be heterosexuals.


HOMOSEXUALS FOR HAMAS LEADER LOTI IBN-BRUCE: "WE WILL DRIVE THE ZIONIST INFILTRATORS FROM OUR UPSCALE RESORT TOWNS"

Dahab, Egyptian Sinai (Boystown News Network)- In a carefully worded statement, Homosexuals for Hamas founder Loti Ibn Bruce claims that his Pink-Keffiyah Brigades were responsible for the deadly attack in this sweltering hot desert resort town. Ibn-Bruce, an ardent supporter of Hamas and a self-described "profit of homo-islamic liberation" had little sympathy for the victims of the latest attack. Ibn Bruce instead turned the blame towards Israel.

"Our Islamic Pink Keffiyah Brigades do not shed crocodile tears for the so called 'victims' of our martyrdom operations...These latest events, guided by the hand of Allah the most merciful and his prophet Mohammed PBUH, were merely a grain of sand in the vast desert of pain, desperation and humiliation that Homosexual Palestinians feel every day", declared the defiant Ibn-Bruce.

Elaborating upon his theme of desperation and redemption, Ibn-Lota described, in detail, the humiliating treatment that Pink Keffiyah brigades have been given at this seaside resort town.

"Where was the international condemnation last week whent the Zionist hotel owners refused to assist our homosexual bretheren. Just last week I was in the lobby of the local Hotel ManMax waiting to be served my daily glass of Zima and Mango juice. The television was blasting the latest highlights of an American Zionist football match. I politely asked the hotel maitre dis what channell was the "Lifestyle Network" so I might be able to watch a rerun of "My Two Dads" on. The hotel employee refused, stating that the hotel did not carry "Lifestyles Network" and that other guests preferred to watch football. He suggested that I instead "TiVo" "my two dads and watch it in the privacy of my own room. This is the Zionist solution to everything, TiVo! Well this is no solution at all. Perhaps this bombing will send a message to the Zionists owners of these hotels. The homosexual martyrs of Palestine are a people yearning for freedom and justice. We will not cease our martyrdom operations until every Homosexual Palestinian can watch "My Two Dads" wherever they please. No Justice! No Peace!

FIRST ANNUAL MEETING OF THE PINK KEFFIYAH BRIGADES BROKEN UP BY OCCUPATION FORCES

Outside Bethlehem, Occupied Palestine- (Left) Zionist Occupation Forces (ZOF) interrupt the first annual convention of the Pink Keffiya Brigades. Prior to the violent intervention by the ZOF The Brigades had resolved to promote the ideology of Sheikh Ahmed Yassin, improve conditions in Communal bath-houses in the occupied territories and to continue stiff resistance to the Zionists. ZOF Brigadier General Yair Hamorracai, an immigrant from New York City, noted that the detained activists did not resist. Hamorracai stated "when we arrived, they were all bent over in a submissive position. My Camoflaged Division was stationed in the surrounding hills. We noticed through our binoculars that the group of Palestinians were all bent over, tuchas in the air. My Staff Seargent Yoel immediately recognized the position. He says to me 'Yair, that must be the Pink Keffiyah brigades, I can tell by their submissive posistion. We moved in for the arrest. When we arrived we conducted a throrough search of the detainees. We found them to be unarmed, and dressed exquisitely. While we found no arms caches among the Pink Keffiyah brigades, we found large supplies of Vaseline products, possibly for use with a bomb." Occupation forces let all detainees go, but called in a police sapper to neutralize the suspected vats of vaseline.

PINK KEFFIYAH BRIGADES: "Forcing Young Palestinian Males to Appear Publically In Least Sexy Pair of Underwear Is A Crime Against Humanity, Fashion!"

Jericho, Occupied Palestine- Young, strapping, Palestinian Males outside of Jericho Prison are forced to wear heavily worn, inexpensive, unattractive and uncomfortable underwear. One prisoner from the Pink Keffiyah brigades commented "these were not silk, they were not even 100% cotton, they were Cotton/Poly Blend and were CostCo brand. This is the Ultimate humiliation for the Palestinian People."

PINK KEFFIYAH BRIGADES VOW TO BE "ONLY ON THE RECEIVING END OF ISRAELI CONCESSIONS"

Radical Pink Keffiyah Leader Loti-ibn-Bruce Vows "We, like our brothers in Hamas, will always prefer to be on the receiving end!"

Ramallah, Occupied Palestine- When it comes to negotiating the erection of a new Palestinian state, Homosexuals for Hamas founder and spiritual leader Loti ibn-Bruce takes a familiar position. He stresses that while he, like his revolutionary brother in Hamas, will never recognize the "Zionist entity", he is willing to bend-over when it comes to receiving concessions from Israel. Mr. Ibn-Bruce, a political activist and interior decorator discussed his preference for being on the receiving end recently outside his Ramallah-based design firm. Ibn-Bruce stressed that his millitant group, the "Pink Keffiyah Brigades" had established a policy in line with the Hamas-led Palestinian Authority. "Like our bretheren in Hamas, We are willing to take whatever the Zionist Regime is willing to give us. No piece (of land) is too small. We will take it no matter how small it is. If it is 8 inches long, we will gladly take it. If it is 6 inches long we will take it. If it is merely 4 inches long and crooked, we will take it. No piece of land is too small or too shrivelled up for us to be on the receiving end. When it comes to our sacred Palestinian Land, we are always more than willing to be on the receiving end!"

Yossi Beilin, an Israeli MK from the dovish Meretz party stressed that his party, unlike the hard-right Kadima party, was always willing to assent to the wishes of the Pink Keffiyah Brigades. Beilin, speaking from a cafe in Ramat Aviv-Gimmell stressed "We in Meretz are always willing to take the initiative to implement peace. If the Palestinians would prefer that we be on the giving end of things, and they would like to be on the receiving end of these rock hard concessions, than we are willing to do what ever it takes to comply with their demands. When it comes to giving concessions, we are always willing to play the role of task-master."

New Palestinian Leadership Looks Smashingly Cute

Palestinian Prime Minister Elect Ismail Haniyeh looks absolutely smashing during his meeting with outgoing PM Mahmoud Abbas. The butch yet tender Haniyeh is featured in his new double breasted "Manhattanite by Hugo Boss" Suit ($2460, from Neiman Marcus), Hermes "Magnifique" Tie ($210 from Barneys of New York), Joseph Aboud "Classique" French Cuffed Dress Shirt ($230 from Macy's) and Palestinian Flag Pin by "Abdul's of Cairo" ($35). Haniyeh uses Norelco Aqua-Plus Wet/Dry Shavers with Lotion by Nivea ($110 from Target). Posing in front of the flag following his lunch meeting, Haniyah spoke of the severe economic restrictions on Palestinian citizens and stressed that vast international assistance was needed to aid Palestinians, particularly women and children, whom Haniyeh stressed were "so desperate that many of them do not even have nice clothes to wear". Haniyeh noted that his first act as PM will be to institute "Business Casual Fridays" at all official Palestinian Authority Offices in honor of the Muslim holy-day. (Photo AP)

The Revolutionary 7 Point Plan for Homosexual Liberation in Palestine

REVOLUTIONARY COVENANT OF THE HOMOSEXUAL FRONT FOR THE LIBERATION OF PALESTINE DECLARATION OF ESTABLISHMENT OF THE PINK KEEFIYAH BRIGADES
(San Francisco, CA 1st of Safar, 1427 by the Umm al-Qura corresponding to March 1, 2006 in Accordance with the Calender of the Infidels)

We, the undersigned lovers of Palestine, proclaim our willingness to sacrifice our blood, saliva, rock-hard bodies, and semen for the cause of Palestine, Al-Quds, and the Architectually Beuatiful Al-Haram al-Sharif. We tremble with praise for the true prophet Allah, PBUH, as we remember the glorious and buff shahids that gave their bodies and wardrobes for the cause of Al Aqsa. We say with loud, proud voices, that despite the great sorrow in our hearts, we whole-heartedly lust for the day that we will dance through the streets of Al-Quds, liberating its holy sights from the Zionist Infidels as our nation is reborn. We shall dance to the beat of liberation as we march, pink Keffiyas draped around our muscular toned bodies, from the Cafes of Yaffo (Tel A**v), to the theatres of H**zliyah to the Dance clubs of R*hov*t. The cause of liberation passionately clings to our souls like an infant suckling tenderly nibbles on their most beloved pacifier. We therefore, proudly and loudly proclaim the following 7 Point program for liberation of All of Historic Palestine.


1. Full Support of the Hamas Charter of 1988


2. An educational program for all Palesitnian Youth documenting Al Naqba and the ensuing tragedy that befell the proud Palestinian Nation. Our educational network will focus on educating youth in

a. resistance struggles
b. Palestinian history, culture, anthropology, customns, and of course Palesitnian fashion
traditional Palestinian interior decorations.
c. educating youth in "alternative lifestyle choices" and highlighting the importance that
homosexuality has historically had in Palestinian Life
d. establishment of the Palestinian People's Educational Center for the Study of
Gay, Lesbian, Bi-Sexual, Bi-Gender and Trans-Gender Lifestyles at Bir Zeit University


3. A rigorous Public Health campaign including increased distribution and education regarding
birth control, condoms, contraceptives, spermicides and rectal softeners.


4. Full recoginition of the important role Homosexuals play in the Palestinian struggle for Liberation and Independence. Gay Rights are intricately linked to the struggle for Justice and freedom in all of historic Palestine. The Pink Keffiyah Brigades will grant full support for Hamas in their struggle for Palestinian Liberation and look foward to a fruitful relationship with our revolutionary brothers.

5. We, the Pink Keffiyah Brigades shall establish Liberation Troupes to violently penetrate the Public Media and ensure that Homosexual Voices of reason and struggle are heard in the Palestinian Cause. In regards to the Media our goal must always be: Penetrate! Penetrate! Penetrate!

6. Advocate Strenous Adherence to the Laws of Islam while simultaneously advocating a Progressive Approach to the Shaharia, particularly focusing on innovative methods of interpretation that will help normalize Homosexuality and Homosexual Unions within Palestinian Society. As Palestinians push for their inalienable rights to all of Palestine, we will simultaneously pressure the Islamic Government of Palestince to authorize Homosexual Marriages and full Islamic Rights to both Partners of such Sacred Unions.

7. Advocate for the ordincation of Homosexual Islamic Imams and the Granting of Full Leadership privelages to any Muslim Male, irrespective of their Sexual Preferences or Alternative Lifestyles.

Revolutionary Leadership Council of Homosexual Palestinians
Loti-Ibn-Saud
Bruce-Al-Loti
Loti-Ibn-Loti
Abdul-Rahman-Al-Zarqawi
Omar Al-Saud
Moussa Ibn Loti
Yasser Abdel Rambo-Loti